Recognizing past programming in your present-day emotional reactions

​It’s often not what other people do or say that hurts you; what hurts is the pain that is already inside you that has been "shaken awake".

​The foundation for developing emotional mastery is learning to recognize what you’re feeling, while also recognizing whether that feeling is tied to your past programming or to your present-moment experience. 

​When we have a strong emotional reaction to something, we tend to focus in on what has happened.  We think it's what is causing us to feel the way we do. 

​But what happens “out there” is often only a catalyst for what we're feeling "in here"; it’s not the real issue. ​

​External situations trigger the emotional pain that is already inside you - pain that has been pushed down each time you were unwilling or unable to feel it in the past.

​Something in the present moment, maybe something someone has said or done, has touched on a painful program within you. Some common core wounds from childhood include: "I'm not worthy, wanted, or loved", "I'm bad, wrong, defective", "I'm a burden, a problem", "I'm unimportant or not good enough", just to name a few.

Our core beliefs (from the past) drive our emotional reactions (in the present) from deep within our subconscious mind.  We all have emotional wounds from the past that can get triggered in our everyday life.

​​What’s the ammunition that’s inside you? Dr. Gabor Mate, in one of his videos, states that when we get upset or reactive, we tend to focus in on the “trigger” – on the situation that is happening, instead of investigating the emotional pain that we’ve stored inside of us that is coming to the surface.

What's behind your REACTION? What is in there – what old beliefs, what emotional wounds from the past, what faulty interpretations?

​​Each time emotions attached to one of those core beliefs surges up, we have a tendency to push it back down.

​We reach for a habit to distract or numb ourselves from uncomfortable feelings.  But the pain doesn't go away when we do this; it stays inside, primed and ready to burst back to the surface the next time something happens to trigger it. 

If you didn’t have old emotional wounds inside of you, nothing anyone said or did would impact you. 

It's a good indication that an old emotional wound has been reopened when your reaction to a situation is out of proportion to what's happened. Often, in retrospect, we'll be the first to say, "Wow, I don't why I got that upset over something so small!"

Our reactions are triggered from past programming and experiences. Whatever is happening has hit on our painful subconscious beliefs around being disrespected, made a fool of, feeling unworthy, etc. – all things that we've stored inside because they were too painful to feel.

​And here's the thing - life will continue to bring you opportunities, whether you like it or not, to bring up and release the pain that you’ve stored inside.

​In order to heal your emotional wounds, you have to be willing to feel what is painful, instead of pushing it down, avoiding it, or distracting yourself from it. Go into it – soften – allow it to be there. Let  yourself feel it. 

With practice, you can start to recognize when an old core belief from the past has been triggered and is driving your reactions. You can see the patterns that have developed throughout your life that are now limiting and destructive.

You can even start to name it when you see it rise up - "there is the "I'm not lovable" story", for example.

It can be difficult to release that old, painful energy that’s been stored and accumulated inside. But your happiness and well-being count on you being willing to recognize what is happening and committing to feeling your full range of emotions.

Learn More about Core-level Coaching

Author

Learn more about Bobbi Beuree, Nova Scotia-based Coach + Facilitator