So, I took a literal leap of faith. I left the comfort of “stability” – or at least knowing what to expect – and leapt. My final day of work was exactly four months after I had this very simple, and yet very powerful, realization: “I don’t have to do this anymore.”
I remember how a calm settled over me with that realization. That peace and calm was soon replaced by what felt like a huge energy shift. It felt like a literal weight had fallen off me and my entire body was vibrating.
In that moment, I saw clearly that I had been stuck in a story of my own making. I had felt stuck and powerless, telling myself that I needed to earn the exact salary I was making, that what was happening was “unfair” and “wrong”, that I shouldn’t have to be the one to leave, that I had no other options, and on and on. All stories my mind told me over and over to keep me right where I was – tucked neatly and completely inside my comfort zone. The only problem was that it was anything but comfortable where I was. But it was familiar and that is what the mind likes because its prime objective is to keep you safe.
That simple realization – "I don’t have to do this anymore" – shifted something deep inside of me. I looked back at other difficult and painful experiences in my life and realized that each one of them came with their own opportunities to grow and heal. In that moment I saw that there would be a time when I would look back on that terrible three-year period and be grateful for it.
I saw that it wasn’t all the factors I thought had been keeping me there – that I truly did love my work, feeling like I was making a difference, the salary or the benefits or the vacation time. It was fear. The fear of leaving the situation, to that point, had outweighed the fear of staying.
Looking back, I saw how much I had to stuff down in order to stay as long as I did. And just as I suspected, I quickly became so grateful that things got as bad as they did. They had to. Otherwise, I would have listened to the stories my mind was telling me and continued to settle. I would have stayed and missed out on all of the incredible insights and experiences I’ve had over these past two years.
Difficult challenges precipitate change. And the more difficult the situation or challenge is that you find yourself in, the deeper the level of growth and healing that becomes possible.
My faith has grown so substantially since taking that leap two years ago. I feel guided by Life and trust that I don’t have to have it all figured out. All the fears my mind told me – “you’ll lose everything!”, “you’ll regret it!”, and on and on turned out not to be true. I continue to be financially independent even though I haven’t had an actual paycheque in two years and I have not regretted my decision for even a second. I allow myself to be pulled to opportunities that feel meant for me and release those that are not. I feel like I am in the flow of Life and I am so grateful that I did not allow fear to hold me back.
I am sharing this in the hope that it will be helpful to those of you who find yourself in a situation that is making you desperately unhappy, but fear is holding you back from making a change or daring to do things differently.
Just know that your mind will fight to keep you where you are. It wants you safe and safe, to the mind, equals familiar. It will tell you stories, just like mine did, just like all minds do. It will send scary images and sensations. It will convince you that the future is a scary place and that the risk is just not worth it.
I am here to say, based on my experiences of Life, that it is. It is worth the uncertainty, worth feeling those scary fears and feelings and making the change anyway. Where there is fear on one side, just know that there is freedom on the other side.
Providing 1:1 coaching that blends psychology, brain-science, and elements of spirituality - learn more
Learn more about Bobbi Beuree, Halifax-based Coach + Facilitator
Bobbi Beuree, Certified CAN Coach + Facilitator is located in Halifax, NS, and provides interactive 1:1 coaching services, as well as corporate workshops.