EAST COAST COACHING & CONSULTING
  • Home
  • About
  • Connect
  • Blog
    • Mindset Monday video series
  • Why Coaching?
  • Key Topics
    • Stress Management
    • Practicing Healthy Self-Care
    • Dealing with Difficult Emotions
    • Thinking Traps and Limiting Beliefs
    • Procrastination and Lack of Motivation
    • Gaining Control Over Habits
    • Life Direction
    • Mindfulness
    • Emotional Intelligence
    • Self-Management
    • Interpersonal Relationships
    • Anxiety
    • Perfectionism
    • Self-Esteem + Self-Confidence

The trap of being future-focused

12/31/2021

1 Comment

 
With the new year approaching, can't you almost smell the promise of a fresh start and a clean slate?

​It's a time when many people set New Year's Resolutions - promising themselves that they will finally do that thing, change that habit, or improve their lives in some way.

They envision the future as being the place where they will finally find whatever it is they are searching for, whether that is love, happiness, self-awareness, purpose, passion, peace of mind, and so on. 
Picture
​As a Coach + Facilitator, I am seeing so many people who are completely future-focused, to the extent that it is causing suffering.
​It would seem that we have collectively convinced ourselves and one another that the future, which exists only in our mind, will be so much better than the present moment. It’s a mind-trap! It keeps our attention and focus trapped on the level of thinking and we’re missing out on fully living our life in the moment.
​As much as the mind tries to convince us differently, we can’t “figure out” the future. It’s really not possible. Instead, it is just our mind telling stories – doing what it has evolved to do. 
It is pulling on what it knows from the past, mixing in a bit of the present, and then convincing you that whatever story it predicts about the future is true.

​It may feel real, but it is not true. It’s not possible for it to be true.
Picture
​You can imagine what you might want and how you might feel in this imagined future, based on who you are at this exact moment in time. But that version of “you” in the future will not be the same version of “you” in this moment. 
You will have gone through things between now and then. You will have gained new insights and will likely have experienced a shift in your core values.

You may have different people, different situations, and different priorities in your life.

​
You will have faced challenges and perhaps encountered loss. Everything you know today could change tomorrow - in any one of a million ways.
Picture
So, an important question to ask yourself is this: "Whose future am I planning for exactly? The “me” of today, tomorrow, next month, or next year?"
In truth, we have absolutely no idea how we may interpret, respond to, or feel about anything beyond this moment in time. It is a story our mind is telling us, one that we’re choosing to believe. ​
The mind is trying to be helpful, to provide stability and help you feel prepared to face whatever may come. And to stay safe in the process. That is the main job our mind has – to ensure our survival.
But, it can’t possibly imagine who or how you will be next year because it has no idea what you will go through and encounter between now and then.
Picture
So, what can you do, instead of focusing on the future?

You can set a course in the direction you are feeling pulled to explore, while not getting too attached to what the final destination will look like.

​You can listen to your preferences and inclinations and follow your intuition. 
You can remain flexible with what comes your way and practice acceptance for that which is beyond your control. You can venture outside your comfort zone and try new things.

​You can set an intention on who you want to BE, rather than what you want to do and have, and allow that to act as a guiding force.
​And  you can practice tapping into your emotions. If you are feeling joyful, excited, loving, enthusiastic, or peaceful – it’s a pretty good indication that you’re on the right track. Our emotions can act as messengers. 
​When you experience anxiety and worry, it is a clear message that you are caught up in your thinking and out of the present moment. Return again and again to being present, to gratitude + appreciation, to acceptance, and to living in a way that feels authentic to you.
​Invest in the you of this exact moment.

​
Uncover and nurture your core self, creating in the present moment the person you envision living your ideal future life.

Yes, do the things on the list, make the plans, if that’s what you’re feeling pulled to do – but then let it go. “If it's out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind too.”
Picture
​When your energy and focus is on the future, on wanting what you don’t currently have, it can’t be used to create what you actually want to have, do, and be. Your future self will thank you for taking the time to invest in your present-moment self.
Learn More about a unique coaching approach that blends psychology, brain-science, and elements of spirituality

Author

Learn more about Bobbi Beuree, Halifax-based Coach + Facilitator

1 Comment

Not good enough...

12/22/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
“Not Good Enough” - more than any other internal messaging that comes from the mind, this is one that is prevalent in so many aspects of our lives. 
​Can you relate to feeling:
  • discontent with what is happening in your life?
  • embarrassed or ashamed of aspects of yourself you can't change?
  • longing for things to be different?

Do you believe that:
  • others are "better off" than you?
  • others are judging or criticizing you?
  • you're falling short or not living up to expectations you’ve set for yourself?
​We have a tendency to judge ourselves as being "Not Good Enough", which affects our relationship with ourselves, others, and the world around us.
​​Whether we realize it or not, we are constantly judging and assessing​ what is happening around and within us.

​And many times, it is this messaging – Not Good Enough – that acts as a driving force.
Picture
​It’s an evolutionary thing. We are wired to feel an urge for “more”. This has the potential to be interpreted as being selfish or greedy, but it’s really not. It’s part of being human – that drive is there to ensure your survival. 
​We become discontent with what we have – what is familiar – and feel a pull to seek out something more, something different.

​If we were to become complacent, we would stop growing, evolving, and experiencing. We would miss out of having a rich + full human experience.
Picture
​The mind’s number one priority is security and survival. It constantly compares who we are and what we have to what other people have and who they are. Well, who and what we perceive others to be and have.

The mind is always on the look-out for ways we may be falling short, ways that we may be unacceptable to others. 
​100,000 years ago this ensured our ancestors' survival, and we have inherited that same wiring. Only now, instead of comparing ourselves to small groups, we are connected worldwide.

​So, of course someone is always going to be doing “better” than you – it is inevitable. But the part of your mind that is doing the judging doesn’t know that.
I have heard lack of self-acceptance described as an epidemic and as a Coach I definitely agree. We focus on all that we perceive as wrong or lacking with us and discount all of our wonderful qualities and experiences.
​Knowing this, that “Not Good Enough” is part of the natural wiring in your mind, helps to build awareness and remove shame and judgment.

​
Going through life with a “Not Good Enough” viewpoint/outlook is only a “bad” thing when you are unconscious to it, when you are being dragged along by your urges for more and your beliefs about what they mean. 
Picture
​We are here to experience things, to identify our preferences and to CREATE, to draw more to us. But when we are doing it as a way to make us “feel better”, we are going to suffer. Nothing external to us can “make” us feel anything. It’s an inside job.
​Once you are able to see this more clearly, the messaging that you are Not Good Enough won’t pack quite the same punch.
Learn More about a unique coaching approach that blends psychology, brain-science, and elements of spirituality

Author

Learn more about Bobbi Beuree, Halifax-based Coach + Facilitator

0 Comments

    Author

    Bobbi Beuree, Certified CAN  Coach + Facilitator is located in Halifax, NS, and provides interactive 1:1 coaching services, as well as corporate workshops.

    Archives

    November 2022
    September 2022
    July 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    April 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    May 2020
    February 2020
    October 2019
    September 2019
    June 2019

    Blog list:

    Using "STOP" to Work With Your Emotional Reactions
    Do You Trust Yourself?
    Recognizing Past Programming in Your Emotional Reactions
    Changing Your Perspective on Difficult Emotions
    Childhood Conditioning + Emotional Programming
    The Suffering of Worry
    The Trap of Being Future-Focused
    "Not Good Enough"...
    Embracing Life's Challenges
    Why Are We Afraid to Hope?
    Loss + Grief Through the Lens of Mindset
    Choosing to Stop the Struggle
    Are Anticipation and Anxiety the Same Thing?
    Radical Acceptance in the Face of Uncertainty
    The Myth of Self-Sabotage
    Roots to Blooms and Everything in Between
    Wake Up to Who You Truly Are
    We Create Our Experiences in Our Mind
    Emotions, Mortality, and Connecting More Deeply
    Is Your Thinking Holding You Back?
    We Create Our Own Stress
    Practicing Radical Acceptance
    Accept, Adapt, Move Forward - Developing Resilience
    The W-Curve of Change
    Student Challenges in Post-Secondary Programs
Connect with me on Social Media
Picture
Copyright © 2019-2022 Bobbi Beuree, East Coast Coaching & Consulting. All Rights Reserved ​
  • Home
  • About
  • Connect
  • Blog
    • Mindset Monday video series
  • Why Coaching?
  • Key Topics
    • Stress Management
    • Practicing Healthy Self-Care
    • Dealing with Difficult Emotions
    • Thinking Traps and Limiting Beliefs
    • Procrastination and Lack of Motivation
    • Gaining Control Over Habits
    • Life Direction
    • Mindfulness
    • Emotional Intelligence
    • Self-Management
    • Interpersonal Relationships
    • Anxiety
    • Perfectionism
    • Self-Esteem + Self-Confidence