Using "STOP" to work with your emotional reactions

What happens when you realize you’ve completely overreacted to a situation? Maybe you've jumped to conclusions and reacted based on what your mind was saying and not what was actually going on?

Did you feel a warm flush of shame or experience self-critical thoughts? Like so many of us, maybe you've even wondered, “what is wrong with me?”

​What if you knew that your reaction was based on the wiring of your mind and not some kind of personal flaw or defect? Wiring that when you are unaware, or “asleep” to it, dictates your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

​Emotional intelligence is being able to recognize (as it’s happening) if what you’re feeling and how you’re reacting is based on the here-and-now, on what is objectively happening. Or, if your mind has automatically interpreted what is going on in a certain way, based on past programming and old wounds.

​When we’re able to witness the automatic reactions playing out, it opens up a moment of choice.

Typically, when we feel a strong surge of negative, painful emotion, we will do anything we can to make it go away.

Instead, what if you could shift to seeing it as an invitation to uncover important aspects of yourself?

​When, out of the blue, you feel taken over by strong emotions in a situation (that rationally you know isn't that big of a deal), it points to an old wound being triggered.

 Navigating the aspects of life that bring up strong (and sometimes scary-feeling) emotions can be difficult. Our subconscious has lots of hidden little wounds that get "poked" by what's happening in the present moment. It's important to take it at your own pace when you're exploring your patterns.

Becoming mindful to your patterns and reactions helps you to feel more in control within challenging situations. It loosens the grip of old programming and beliefs.

When you first notice a surge of painful emotion or automatic reaction, you can choose to become curious about what’s happening, instead of getting spun up in the emotions.

​You can practice allowing what is there to be there, instead of resisting and shutting down, or getting completely taken over by what you’re feeling.

By doing the work to recognize our reactions, we start to notice more quickly when we are being flooded by survival-stress in a situation.

It's a clear indicator, based on the intensity of that rush of emotion and the automatic reaction, that an old wound has been triggered.

This happens when something that is happening in the present moment and in your current environment reminds your subconscious mind of a time in the past when you were hurt, scared, or experiencing some other strong, negative emotion.

​Because the subconscious is faster to pick up on and react to “threats” than the frontal cortex, which thinks and reasons things out, we get triggered into a reaction before we know what’s happened.

​Witness it.

Are you able to see how we contribute to our own pain and struggles by buying into and believing every story our mind tells us.

Personally, I use the acronym S.T.O.P. during challenging situations when I can feel difficult emotions surging up and feel myself about to react in a habitual way.

​So, when I feel the sensations that I’ve grown to recognize as meaning I’m triggered (my heart starts pounding, my mouth goes dry, I feel a hot flush in my face, and I want to cry), I know I have to slow things down, using my breathing. That’s the “S” in STOP.

Next, for “T” I take notice of what’s happening in my body and mind. I get curious and practice allowing what is there to be there, naming the emotion, and allowing the sensations to pass through. I check in on the thoughts that are contributing to how I feel.

​I choose to Open Up (“O”), making space for the uncomfortable things I may be feeling. And then, I practice (“P”) self-compassion in acknowledging, with love, the wounded part of me that has surged up. 

​When you can practice catching and recognizing your automatic reactions in challenging situations, you empower yourself to respond from a calmer, more rational, present-moment perspective.

Learn More about a unique coaching approach that blends psychology, brain-science, and elements of spirituality

Author

Learn more about Bobbi Beuree, Halifax-based Coach + Facilitator