why are we afraid to hope?

​“Don’t get too excited – it may not happen”.  “Don’t get your hopes up.”  “Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.”  Are these messages you have heard from others or said yourself?  They are pretty common, aren’t they?

​Do you ever wonder why we are cautioned against feeling things like hope, happiness, excitement, and enthusiasm?

​Years ago, I remember a family member saying some version of "don't get your hopes up" when I was excited about a potential job opportunity.  And I can bet that I had also said similar messages, both to myself and others at some point in my life. 

​But when I heard that message that particular time, something really clicked in me.  I remember thinking, “what’s the worst that can happen?  I can get excited, get my hopes up, and I don’t get the job.  But at least I would have gotten to experience positive emotions in the meantime.”  

The intent behind these types of messages is to protect us from disappointment, to keep our expectations for life low so that we don’t have to experience discomfort.  

It is our conditioned subconscious mind trying to protect us and keep us safe.  But it’s not exactly aligned with living a life of hope, optimism, and excitement, is it? ​

​​Since having that realization years ago, I made a commitment to allow myself to get excited and be hopeful, even if there is a chance that whatever it is that I am excited about may not happen.

​What if we all practiced dreaming as big as we have it within us to dream? 

​What if we allowed ourselves to have an expectation of perfect health, perfect joy, perfect peace, etc.? 

By "perfect", I don’t mean that in a “positive/all good” kind of way.  Instead, when I think of perfect, to me it means that whatever I am experiencing is in perfect alignment with what I am meant to experience in a particular snapshot in time. 

​Even if it is not something I have consciously chosen.  Even if it is difficult.  It is a deep realization that we often cannot see the big picture to really know what is "good" or "bad" in any given situation.

​So, perfect may not always equal “good” – not in the way your conditioned mind may define it.

We often think that events should unfold exactly as we would like them to in order for them to be good.  ​

​But what if we shift to having faith that whatever is happening is happening for a reason, that it is ultimately in alignment with our highest good and deepest potential?

​Perfect peace does not mean that you won’t have experiences that will cause you to feel upset, unsettled, or even devastated at times. 

​It means that the emotion does not take you over – that you have insight and understanding around the deeper elements that are at play. 

It means that we stop interpreting so much of what happens in our lives as being “bad”, “wrong”, “unfair”, “tragic”, etc. ​

​In this way, you can experience life with a deeper level of clarify, purpose, and enjoyment.  You can get excited about the potential of things unfolding without worrying that you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.  ​

​The words we use are so powerful in determining our experience of life! 

The next time you catch yourself cautioning yourself or others not to get excited or hopeful in order to avoid disappointment, see if you can remind yourself that no harm can come from positive emotions like hope, joy, happiness, and excitement. 

Embrace them fully every opportunity you get!

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Author

Learn more about Bobbi Beuree, Nova Scotia-based Coach + Facilitator