The W-curve of change

​Are you a parent/supporter of a student who is in the midst of transitioning from high school into a post-secondary program?  Have you both been freaking out just a little?  It’s completely understandable – so natural in fact that there is a theory to explain the emotional impact of this stage that is so significant to both students and their parents/supporters!

The W-curve, which has five stages, outlines what can be a pretty tumultuous process for all involved when someone enters into a new environment and faces the challenge of change.  

This new phase of life can present a whole bunch of challenges and roadblocks to navigate.  It can be a bit confusing because this is a positive change, right?  The brain can’t distinguish between positive and negative at this point.  It just sees change and change is scary.

Initially, parents/supporters and students may enter into the honeymoon stage, which is just what you would expect from the name.  Everything is new and exciting – filled with potential.  It’s easy for students to get caught up in the hype and energy of orientation events, the prospect of new friends and new freedoms.  It’s all so awesome! 

And then, “real life” sinks in and that excitement can be quick to fade.  Students start to realize that the supports they counted on over the past number of years may not be quite so available to them.  Everything is “different” and it’s not going back to “normal”.  This realization can bring along with it a feeling of homesickness – even for those still living at home.  Pressure can start building because things just aren’t the same.

But then, things tend to hit an upswing as students settle into their new normal and see some successes.  They have an opportunity to face situations where they can effectively plan and problem solve, which helps to build their confidence that they can tackle this new situation.  In short, they experience an adjustment period. 

Following that, however, students can feel a little disjointed and may question where they fit.  They may feel like they’re on a roller-coaster, trying to navigate everything that’s coming their way.  They may feel distance from friends and family and start questioning if they are on the right track in doing what they’re doing.  A need for independence can cause internal conflict with also wanting support and reassurance.

Finally, with a bit of time, students start to settle into a flow.  They know what to expect and have become more involved and/or connected to their new school.  They are more confident in their choices and accepting of this new phase in life.
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Some tips for parents/supporters:

• Encourage independent action and problem solving, while also offering support and encouragement
• Understand that the students in your life are going to experience up’s and down’s and it is completely natural and normal – reassure your students of this as well
• Enjoy your own freedom!  This is a change for you too – practice some self-compassion and use this time to develop even more of your own interests!

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Author

Learn more about Bobbi Beuree, Halifax-based Coach + Facilitator