Emotions, mortality, and Connecting more deeply

I just had a very deep personal experience that I am going to practice vulnerability to share with you.

In designing an upcoming group session, I was reading the book Emotional Alchemy by Tara Bennett-Goleman. 

During a break, I watered my plants and stood to watch the snow falling outside the window.

I was feeling connected and content – as though all was perfectly right in the world. 

Just then, the KD Lang version of the song, Hallelujah, came on. I love the song too, but it was the images of my sister and brother, who also love it, that flooded into my mind and my heart.  I closed my eyes, wrapped myself in a hug, and swayed as the music and lyrics washed over me. ​

​The first emotions to flood through were happiness and peacefulness. Following that, tears appeared. And then, sobs came forward as my emotions changed to sadness and then, actual pain and grief.

​It washed over me in that instant, as I thought of my brother and sister, the truth of it – that we wouldn’t all have each other forever.  Everything will change.  Even if it all feels so stable right now.  The story of your life, that you have created, will wash away – bit by bit or all at once. ​

With my body filled with emotion, that awareness extended outward to include all my family, friends, acquaintances, and beyond.  I realized that I will never see some of these people again before one of us passes away.

I know that may come across as being a somewhat morbid thought.  But that realization actually had profoundly poignant emotions attached to it.  Yes, I cried in those short moments; I felt actual pain; I grieved. 

​And then I let it pass.  I resisted the urge to cling to what is, to fight against the unfairness, to resist this indisputable knowledge that all that we know, all that we are, will come to pass.

In the face of “upsetting” thoughts and strong emotions, it is our natural human tendency to want to avoid the pain, at all costs. 

We tend to clench tight, close up, and find a way to suppress it or distract ourselves from what we’re experiencing. 

​But instead, in those few brief moments, I let myself feel it: the fear, the sadness, the deep sorrow.  I allowed myself to take in the glimpses of regret. And after those passed, what remained was a deep feeling of peace – because there’s still time! 

And the time is now! Why are we living as though we’re just passing through? Or that it’s not a guaranteed reality that we will all die.  We’re collecting experiences and memories and things, but are we truly living?  From our most connected and emotionally healed part of us? ​

​We work so hard on maintaining our core beliefs and counterproductive habits and ways of thinking.  Imagine if we took all that energy and invested it instead into learning how to:

• Adopt a fresh mindset based on the here-and-now
• Uncover subconscious patterns that are outdated and holding us back
• Rewire our thinking so that it’s working for us instead of against us
• Live mindfully, embracing our full range of emotions
• Connect fully and deeply with others
• Take control of our lives!

So, learn from death - let it become a central part of your living.  Don’t leave behind regrets.  Live this one life that you have to its fullest potential!

After having this beautiful, heart-opening experience, I made myself a promise.  Each time I share a hug with someone from this point forward it is going to reflect the deep and humbling knowledge that it may be the last time that I get to hug this particular soul. ​

What  would you do if you knew this was your last week on earth?  What would you want to say or do to let the people in your life know how deeply you care?  Don’t wait – find a way to develop those deeper connections now.  You’ll never regret it.

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Author

Learn more about Bobbi Beuree, Halifax-based Coach + Facilitator