Embracing the life philosophy of "Amor fati"

​Have there been situations in your life that you once condemned or wished away, but now see as blessings in disguise?

Situations that, at the time they were happening, you judged as being 100% “bad”, whether that meant they felt wrong, unwanted, unfair, overwhelming, or some other painful interpretation.

​Basically, a situation where you pretty much hated the fact that it was happening. 

​How did you resist it? Maybe you wished it away or cursed the fact that it was there? Maybe you complained about it to others or spent your time trying to figure out why it was happening? Maybe you invested all your energy in fighting against it?

​Were you able to reflect back after a bit of time had passed and see a valuable lesson attached to it?

Were you able to see that it ultimately served you in ways that your mind, at the time, could never have understood or appreciated?

​Maybe you recognized that, based on your core beliefs, there could be no other way for the situation to have unfolded?

​It’s typically not difficult for people to come up with a few scenarios. I know that I certainly can. That’s because it’s a normal, natural part of being human to reflect back on aspects of our past we once judged or condemned when we reach new insights or see things from a clearer vantage point.

​Some time ago I shared a short video about one of my guiding life philosophies, “Amor Fati”. It’s a Latin phrase that translates to “Love of Fate” and it’s a concept that I’ve worked to embrace more and more wholeheartedly over the years. 

Deeply embracing this philosophy has helped me to navigate through painful and scary experiences in a way that feels aligned with a deeper part of me.

​It has changed my outlook and perspective into one that allows for peace of mind, hope, optimism, and deep acceptance, even in the midst of challenging situations. It’s something I would like to share with you in the hope that you will find it as helpful as I do.

Amor Fati means embracing the perspective that every situation that comes into your life, regardless of how challenging it may appear on the surface, is either good for you, or is bringing up aspects that will ultimately be good for you.  

By adopting this core belief and keeping it in mind when challenges come up, I have developed a strong sense of trust that things are working out exactly as they are meant to.

​I know that even if my conscious mind can’t grasp or comprehend it in the moment, in the grander scheme of things, everything is just fine, just as it’s meant to be.

​I can work with my thinking and emotions in ways that bring a deep sense of connection and empowerment when, for much of my life, I experienced a deep sense of disconnection and powerlessness. I can acknowledge that what's happening is painful and choose to practice self-compassion.

​By reminding myself with that phrase – “Amor Fati” – I remember that none of us can see “the big picture of Life”. So then, I remind myself that ultimately, in the long run, I really don’t know if something is “wrong” or “bad” or any other negative impression I have of it. 

​I’ve had enough challenging experiences in my life, as I'm sure you have, to know that nothing is “all bad” and nothing is “all good”. By embracing that middle ground and searching for the positives in every situation your mind wants to label as bad or wish away, you can experience a sense of well-being - even in the midst of the situations that are challenging and feel painful.

​Back in the Spring, I had another opportunity to allow the life philosophy of Amor Fati to guide my perspective. I pursued a live-in work opportunity that I had identified as being “perfect!” It would have meant selling my house, which would have provided financial security. It would have allowed me to do work that I love part-time, while still having the autonomy to maintain my coaching practice. 

​I took action, doing everything within my power to have a successful application process. As excited as I felt about the opportunity and as much effort as I put into the process, and as perfect as it all felt to me, I wasn’t chosen to interview.

And surprisingly, I was completely okay with it!

​I was able to recognize that my mind had loved creating a story of how everything would unfold so perfectly once I got the job. But I had the renewed realization that there was actually no way to KNOW that. 

​I realized that if I could honestly say that I had invested 100% in exploring the opportunity and it didn’t work out the way my mind decided it “should”, then it was truly okay.

Even though the entire scenario seemed "perfect" to my rational, present-moment mind, when things didn’t unfold in the way I had been hoping or planning for, I had a choice.

I could fall into disappointment or despair that things didn’t turn out the way my mind had decided they should. Or I could choose to believe that Life had my back, redirecting me away from something that was actually not mine to experience, or may have ultimately not been good for me.  

​By adopting the philosophy of Amor Fati, deeply believing that it's all working out perfectly, I’m seeing that I don’t get disappointed in the same ways that I did in the past.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t care as much or that I sit back passively. Actually, I care more. Throughout the entire experience I just described, I cared deeply. I followed the urges, pulls, and inclinations that I felt.

​I invested myself, giving my attention and energy to what I was been being drawn to. I let myself get excited by the concept of things unfolding just as I had envisioned.

When things didn't go as planned, I realized that I had still gotten to experience positive emotions - excitement, hope, joy, enthusiasm - so how could it be a "bad thing".

So, instead of caring less, I have discovered that adopting this life philosophy brings with it the potential to become more passionately engaged with life. You follow the pulls and inclinations toward what interests you, what you enjoy, what you want to experience. It’s ACTIVE, giving your all to what feels right to you.

​The key is, if that doesn’t work out the way your mind has convinced you it has to for you to be happy or okay, you fully accept it. 

​Remember, just because your mind convinces you of how everything is going to, or should, unfold, there’s really no way to know what is ultimately in your best interests.

​Choose to believe that Life has your back. Even when what is showing up in your life is not want you would consciously, intentionally choose, practice trusting that it is all happening exactly as it is meant to.

​This is in no way denial or wishful thinking – it is acknowledging the fact that you, ultimately, don’t know if it is good or bad.

​As you settle more and more into this philosophy, you start to see circumstances and scenarios completely differently.

You experience a sense of flow and become more flexible in how you approach challenging situations.

​Intentionally choosing acceptance over resistance frees up your energy so that you can pursue what you want, instead of focusing on and energizing what you don't.

Learn More about a unique coaching approach that blends psychology, brain-science, and elements of spirituality

Author

Learn more about Bobbi Beuree, Halifax-based Coach + Facilitator