What has helped me hold on during times such as these is developing a practice of Radical Acceptance. In the book Radical Acceptance – Embracing Your Life With The Heart Of A Buddha, by Tara Brach, she writes, “Radical Acceptance reverses our habit of living at war with experiences that are unfamiliar, frightening, or intense. It is the necessary antidote of years of neglecting ourselves, years of rejecting this moment’s experience. Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our life as it is. A moment of Radical Acceptance is a moment of genuine freedom”.
Now this does not mean that because we are accepting the reality of our circumstances, we intentionally stay stuck in situations that are difficult. It does not mean that we choose not to strive for better in our lives. It does not mean that we passively accept things that make us unhappy or unfulfilled, and give up our power.
It simply means that, in the moment, we breathe and accept the reality of what is – that we understand that we don’t always see the big picture and that perhaps this very difficult situation is a necessary lesson to propel us further along in our quest to grow, evolve, and create our ideal life.
As humans, we love to label situations as “positive or negative”, “good or bad”. But, ironically we never know if a positive situation will somehow lead to negative consequences or alternatively, that a situation that seems challenging and difficult is not actually a blessing in disguise. If we can choose to lose those misleading labels and consider circumstances as just that, we can take all that emotional energy we’re investing in fighting against or resisting the situation and put it towards taking positive action and developing a growth mindset. Basically, we accept it while we’re “growing through it”.
You may be thinking, “well, that’s easier said than done!” And it’s true, it’s not easy to shift our thinking in this way because our deeply unconscious belief system and lightning-quick thought processes are dictating our perception and interpretation of what is happening. Our brains are programmed to look for things that will hurt us and focus on them. But the goal in self-work is to learn to catch those conditioned impulses and reactions, take a mindful pause and then respond, from a more conscious place, rather than reacting in a habitual way that often causes more stress, pain, and problems than were already attached to the initial situation!
So the next time you hear yourself saying some version of, “but this isn’t fair. I shouldn’t have to be going through this. I hate this!”, remember to pause, take a deep breath, and harness all the energy that is being directed at what it is you are resisting.
At that point you can use that energy as a launching pad to propel you forward into problem-solving or taking action to address your concern. Of course, it takes practice to develop this approach, but I’ll leave you with this quote from Theodore Roosevelt, “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”
Want to work on developed Radical Acceptance? Visit Homepage for more information on my unique coaching approach that blends psychology, brain-science, and elements of spirituality.
Learn more about Bobbi Beuree, Halifax-based Coach + Facilitator
9/23/2019 08:37:31 pm
This post brings to light a subject most seem to be forgetting: resilience is about growth, not "boucing back" to where you started!
9/24/2019 09:40:05 am
Hi Cat - thanks for your question! Good timing - I've actually just posted my follow up to yesterday's blog with one that outlines some strategies associated with practicing radical acceptance and working towards "responding" rather than "reacting" to life's challenging situations. I hope this answers your question, but if not, please feel free to comment again. Have an awesome day!
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply.
Bobbi Beuree, Certified CAN Coach + Facilitator is located Nova Scotia and provides interactive 1:1 coaching services, as well as group coaching events.